


i was your insomnia, i was your grief

by caligulasavior9



Category: Bloodbound (Visual Novels)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Drama, F/M, Resolved Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:48:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23256454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caligulasavior9/pseuds/caligulasavior9
Summary: "Kill me, then,“ Gaius hissed through gritted teeth, without an ounce of kindness to it and it was kinda like a sucker punch to the face. "If that should satisfy you. You and I both know my soul is yours to take.”“Mine, huh? Not even God could take that luxury from me?” Amy bit off, wanting to test his reaction. Liking the way brows furrowed further. “Aren’t you afraid of God, Gaius?”“No,” he said. A beat, then: “But I’m afraid of you.”
Relationships: Gaius Augustine/Main Character (Bloodbound)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 47





	i was your insomnia, i was your grief

**Author's Note:**

> what’s up my fellow gaius stanners! so, after a careful reconsideration, mental debate and scouring through tumblr for the motivation, I finally decided to write this fic. 
> 
> anyway, enjoy. If you like it let me know, if you don’t let me know, and if you’re a Gaius hater, what in the sweet hell are you even doing here?

_**“Our emotions** _

_**Are only “incidents”** _

_**In the effort to keep day and night together.”** _

_**― T.S. Eliot** _

* * *

She'd like to think it was the exhaustion that moved it; that choreographed her limbs, that whispered the words in her head, that betrayed her instincts, that rose the river in her head, when she, as if on strings, leaned in and kissed Gaius on the cheek.

Gaius, the bane of her existence, the sole perpetrator that nearly brought the world to its knees, the man who raised a sword and killed her, thus the repercussions that altered the course of her life forever and Amy fucking  _ kissed _ his cheek. Calloused against her soft lips and  _ oh so wrong _ .

Yes, she would blame it on her exhaustion from all the shit blitz she'd endured a few days back, but underneath, Amy knew it was all her.

When she pulled back, she was breathless, her lips lingered there for a fleeting moment. Her cheeks a few shades darker than she expected. Gaius barely moved a muscle, sitting like a gargoyle, his jaw hung open. He looked at her lips first, then her eyes as if she was the world's greatest enigma, as if she had stabbed him in the heart. 

"Why?"

Amy wished Gaius hadn't asked that because she knew that he knew she had no answer to it. Or perhaps she did, but there was no point in letting him know, was it? So she looked the other way, embarrassed, indignant, frowning like a crescent moon in reverse. 

She inhaled deeply, his scent involuntarily worked its way through her nostrils. "Because I wanted to."

"But why?" He asked again, more insistent this time. Confusion was apparent in his voice. She wished he would stop using that word.

Amy craned her head back to meet his, under the moonlight his eyes reminded her of the Arctic ocean, pale and cold, depthless. One wrong step and she would drown. 

"I don't know, Gaius," she murmured, honest, her fingers still clasping around his like knots. Amy thought if she held onto him a little longer, she'd wake up from whatever realm she was in and found herself tucked neatly in her bed. "I don't know."

What was right, what was real, those lines blurred the moment she became a vampire. And it was all his fault. Everything was his fault and she hated him for it, with every fiber of her being. God, Jax was right, they didn't need him anymore, especially now that they had the weapon that could secure their triumph. She might as well kill him tonight and be done with it, get the revenge she'd deserved, bring her mind the peace it's yearned.

But then she felt Gaius gently tipped her chin up, an indescribable look on his face that slightly unnerved her. His eyes once again, as if by mistake or design, found her mouth first then her eyes and she mentally berated herself for being such a fool.

"You need to be more careful where you tread, dearest one," he said, his voice low, his thumb smoothed down the curve of her throat and her pulse immediately leapt. "Be careful, or there will be repercussions."

"Is that a warning or a threat?"

"Once upon a time, it would have been the latter, but now…"

"But how? You don't even know yourself anymore."

Something dark passed Gaius' eyes, akin to anger, hurt, betrayal, yet she held her ground. 

Eventually, he withdrew his hand from her. Amy, as fast as the lightning scrambled up to her feet. It was a mistake comforting him. Being near him was bad enough to mess up her brain and she couldn't have that, especially during times like these. 

Yet Amy only stood there, watching as Gaius followed suit, but instead heading toward the railings and nested his elbows there, a hand running through his dark locks, an attempt to calm the storm within him. 

"Sorry," she said quietly, not sure if he'd heard her, not sure why she apologized. Not sure if she should go and leave him to himself. "Sorry. I-" but she didn't know what else to say.

Gaius shot her a look over his shoulder, once upon a time-- he was right, once upon a time Amy would have stood stock-still at the way he gazed at her right now. But the Gaius before her was not the same man that killed her, that burned and destroyed New York with just a touch of his power. This was a different man, but with the same visage of the man who once hurt her. A different side of the coin.

"What is it that you want from me, Amy?" Gaius hissed, caustic as he unbent himself from the railings. Facing her once more. "Would it satisfy you if you were to kill me tonight, the way I did to you?" He stepped towards her. "Would it give you great  _ joy _ if you could dissect my brains out like a lab rat and study what lies beneath the violence and decisions?" Another step. "Or will you, Bloodkeeper, exploit me the way she did? Mold me into something I'm not and use me for your own means?"

"No."  _ I'm not her _ , what she meant to say. But her answer somehow didn't satisfy Gaius the slightest bit.

"Then what do  _ you _ want from me? You comforted me and kissed my cheek, yet you smote me with your words. Was all the niceties just an act then? Not that I deserve any of it, but was it?" The anger had subsided, replaced by something broken, his voice cracking. He sounded so desperate and it gave Amy's heart an unexpected twist. 

"No. No, it's not."

"Then  _ why _ ?"

"Because you confuse me!" She blurted out, her facade finally cracked and in front of him of all people, no less. "I know you, Gaius Augustine, or at least knew. You are the man who murdered me cold-blooded, who scarred me and my friends for life, who did terrible, terrible things in the past, but then..." Amy wrapped her arms around her midsection as if it was mid-December in New York. 

"Then when I got into your head, everything I knew about you somehow meant nothing. Those violence, those-those stories I've heard about you.  _ Nothing _ . I know you, yet at the same time I don't and I hate it. I hate it that I'm not in control-" she snapped her mouth close.

"Control of what?" Gaius asked tightly, genuinely confused. 

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid _ .

She shook her head. "I- I mean-" Amy grit out, closed her mouth, groaned. "It's-" she paused, gesticulated, seeking the right word. "Nothing. Just forget it."

Amy didn't dare to meet his eyes as she turned her back from Gaius, cheeks ever tinged crimson. Wanting to put as many distances as she could from him. 

But he stopped her, naturally, before she could go too far. His cold hand around her arm and spun her back to face him. He was close. Closer than they'd ever been together that Amy could almost make out her own reflection in her eyes. Hip lips dangerously close to her face, their noses almost touching and the tension immediately shifted, still dangerous but not in the cut-throat, stab-you-to-death kind that she knew so well. 

"Tell me," Gaius whispered, on the verge of pleading. He was watching her carefully now, knowing that he was crossing the line, but so help him there were already plenty of lines they'd crossed tonight. 

This time, it was her mistake to stare at his lips. "I hate you," Amy spat, but that was just one of the lies she told.

"I am aware."

"I wish you weren't here." This too.

"Kill me, then," Gaius hissed through gritted teeth, without an ounce of kindness to it and it was kinda like a sucker punch to the face. "If that should satisfy you. You and I both know my soul is yours to take."

"Mine, huh? Not even God could take that luxury from me?" Amy bit off, wanting to test his reaction. Liking the way brows furrowed further. "Aren't you afraid of God, Gaius?"

"No," he said. A beat, then: "But I'm afraid of you."

His answer was unexpected and her scowl did soften, if only for a moment.

Though maybe once she had settled the score with Rheya, she would do it. If that was what he wanted, what everyone wanted.

But now, Amy's mind was racing at a hundred miles per hour because she was losing all semblance of control, and she only trusted him to witness this side of her rather than anyone else; her eyes finding his lips again.

She thought let him be  _ very _ afraid then. "Good." 

Then Amy leaned in and kissed him. On the mouth.

She felt Gaius' hesitation in the kiss, but it didn't last long. Suddenly, Amy felt his mouth moving against her, his hand on the back of her neck, pulling her closer; hers, wrapped around his neck.

There was no exploration, no teasing, no tenderness in their kiss. He kissed her hot-blooded and raw, like millennia of pain and lust pouring out of his mouth and she gladly swallowed them all. Amy opened her mouth first, shoved her tongue against his first and heard him groan, felt him reciprocate. Making her head dizzy that she had to remind herself to breathe. He was never the one to back down from a challenge. 

Amy let out a startled gasp when he picked her up, her legs automatically wrapped around his waist as Gaius carried her toward her chamber like she weighed nothing. Not once they broke the kiss, even as they toppled down the mattress, as he wrapped his arm under her body and moved them further up the bed.

Gaius' mouth unlatched from hers, his fangs were on full display, an unmistakable gleam of lust flashed over his features and began his journey down her jaw, her neck. The sharpest tips grazing her tender flesh, lingering over the pulse point of her carotid before putting pressure, enough to make her whimper but not to leave his mark on her. A shudder rippled up Amy's spine. Her fingers digging into his dark locks, wanting to hurt him, to push him away, to bring him closer, to hear him groan. 

God, her head was a fucking mess.  _ She _ was a fucking mess. To stoop this low and let Gaius, the man who'd murdered her once upon a dreary night, have his way with her. 

Perhaps she had gone bat-shit crazy from everything that had been happening, perhaps there was something in the water Kano gave her, perhaps it really was exhaustion clouding her mind, but whatever was  _ this _ , this felt so unapologetically good in her head.

A strained moan involuntarily left her lips when she felt his hand snuck under her top, finding her nipple and gave it an experimental pinch. 

It was then when Amy channeled her vampiric strength and flipped their position. Wrenching a surprised look from his face, his eyes popped. Looking as if he'd never been outmuscled by the opposite sex before. She swung her leg over his torso, straddled him, liking the feeling of his hard curve better between her legs like this.

Amy ground down onto him, her mouth stretched into a dangerous smile as Gaius flopped his head back to the bed, groaning gutturally and bucked up against her in response. His hands gripping her hips, hot and tight. Even through the excessive layers of clothes, she could feel him, growing hard against her. Brushing onto her clothed sex just right, she bit her lip, muffling the moan that threatened to escape. Her back arched seductively while Gaius raced a hand from her throat down over her chest.

She batted it away and pinned both his hands above his head.

"No. Tonight is about  _ me _ ." Her voice was deep and authoritative, breathing a little too loud than her liking. "Everything is on my terms tonight, you get me?"

"Very well, Your Highness," he replied, but there was no trace of malice or snide like he usually did. His pupils were blown to hell, the light color of his eyes disappeared into a sliver.

Amy eyed him down, considering her next move. 

"Strip," she commanded, watching as his eyes glint. He was going to enjoy this. Amy almost regret agreeing to do this in the first place.

Almost.

Once Amy let go of his hands, Gaius sat up, bringing her with him as she readjusted herself on his lap. He unfastened his ridiculous cape first, hurling it across the room without the slight care in the world before moving onto his ruff and suit. The whole time, his eyes never left hers and vice versa. 

By the time he was naked to the waist, Amy couldn't help but stare. And the bastard caught it, eagle-eyed as ever, the right corner of his mouth curling up to a smirk. Fucker. But she opted to ignore him, brought her hand over his body instead, feeling his chest hitched. 

His chiseled muscles were almost statuesque, she had to admit. The battle scars were like stories waiting to be told, explored. It was sort of oddly intimate actually, seeing him like this, touching him as a lover would. Perhaps in another life, if he wasn't what he was, if they weren't what they were, she would have asked Gaius to recount one of them.

But not in this life.

Amy dropped her hand from him, pretending she hadn't just admired his body like a thirsty ass vampire she was and cleared her throat.

"Pants," she said. And Gaius obeyed once again. Sliding from the bed to stand as he worked on his trousers. A blush had risen to her face, but she forced herself not to look away. She wouldn't be beaten on her own game.

Gaius dropped his shorts, kicked off his boots and he was naked before her. Standing tall and proud like a soldier he was. His mouth twitched but the rest of his face remained impassive, as if saying 'do your worst'. This time, Amy allowed herself to openly stare at him. Assessing, and again, considering her next move.

"Touch yourself."

Gaius did a double take. "What?"

"Get on your knees and touch yourself."

He did. Kneeling down before her like a man asking for repentance before his God, his eyes glued on hers still as he runs his hand over his cock. 

Amy sat by the bed, cross-legged, licking her lower lip as she watched the show. A low grumble erupted from his throat, his gaze kept shifting between her body and her face, her thighs and her breasts. She exhaled shakily. Suddenly, the room felt thick, it was like trying to breathe in a room full of fire. 

The wet smack of his hand around his cock was enough to send her desire climbing through the roof. Her nipples grew hard under her tank top. Her hand travelled down between her legs, wondering what his reaction would be.

Gaius groaned again. His hand moving faster. His face contorted, visibly fighting for control.

He was close.

"Stop." He did, panting and sweating as he did so. "Stand up." He stood up, his arms on his side. "Now take off mine."

He was all but pounced to the bed like an animal. Tearing her top off, pulling her pants and underwear down her smooth legs with a violent tug, Amy nearly yelped in surprise.

She was as naked as he was now. Gaius stared at Amy for a moment, drinking her in, his gaze darting up and down the curves of her soft figure. His eyes were heavily-lidded, and Amy felt a hot rush from the lewd expression on his face. He positioned himself on top of her once again, the veil of his sun-kissed brown strands falling around his face.

"What's next, Your Highness?" Gaius asked lowly, his mouth nibbling her ear. "I await your command."

"I-" Amy shut her eyes, shivered violently when his hardness nudged on her wet heat. "Fuck." And slightly ground her hips against his. Her thoughts a chaotic jumble.

Amy felt him smiling against her collarbone, before closing his mouth over her nipple, sucking hard enough to sting, letting his fangs graze over the delicate skin. "Yes?"

"Shit," she cursed again, head drooping backwards with a drawn out moan. She pushed his body off of her. "On your back." 

At the command, Gaius quickly rolled to the side, obedient as ever. Amy scrambled up, pushing him further until he was lying flat on the bed and settled her weight against him. Gasping whenever his tip brushed her clit.

One hand on his pecs, the other reached down and grabbed his cock. Wasting no time, no more teasing this time around as she positioned the head beneath her opening. Feeling him assisting before finally, she lowered herself in a strangled breath and fought the urge to moan his name.

So, this is how it felt, fucking the man that once brought so much destruction to the world and her own. Others might think this was her falling for the temptation, the manipulation Gaius pulled on her, losing the battle, but this was her  _ winning _ the war. This was her turning the tables around them, showing them who was in control now. That she, of all people, could have the former King of Vampires knelt down before her and jerked himself off and deprived him of that pleasure just for the thrill of it.

And she was the Bloodkeeper for fuck's sake. Probably the world's only hope in achieving the impossible, for what's it worth, she could fuck whoever she wanted. Let her have her moment, this one final hurrah before the shit show awaited her.

A sly arch of her back, lips dropping into a perfect circle, hips circling on his, Amy rode Gaius senselessly, bouncing and clawing at him until they left marks on his skin. Her sighs and moans intermingled with his every time she slammed her hips into his just right. He thrust upwards in time with her movements, his hands on her thighs, her hips, her breasts, her neck. All over her body. There was no inhibition now, only pleasure that drove them.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." At the increasing pitch of her voice, Gaius pulled her head down for a hungry kiss, instantly muffling her sound.

Soon, Amy began to feel her knees weakened, her movements became less rhythmic that she had to lean helplessly on his chest. Gaius noticed this, but instead thrust even faster. 

"F-flip me ove-" Amy hadn't finished the sentence when Gaius spun her over onto her back. His left hand gripping her messy hair, his right one holding up her hips roughly, he re-entered her in a one hard, deep thrust that filled her. So powerful that she was shaken, knocking the wind out of her.

Setting a ruthless pace, he rammed himself into her. He was out of restraints, it seemed, and Amy was out of her fucking mind. Drowned in the euphoria that she didn't realize she pulled him for another searing kiss. Grunting into her mouth, his fingers headed down over her lower abdomen and his thumb contacted her clit. Her body clenched around his cock. Her fingers dug deep into his shoulders, though the pain seemed to fire him up even more.

Then Gaius shifted the angle of his hips.

"Oh, G-god fuck!" she cried, uncertain of whether it was an unconscious attempt at calling his name or straight up blasphemy. She felt her release bubbling inside her the depth of her stomach. Her back arched.

When Amy came, Gaius dutifully put his hand over her mouth, muffling the scream that rose up from her throat. Her release also triggered Gaius', as he suddenly went rigid above her, his thrusts became more irregular before pulling out and spilled his seeds on her thigh.

Amy was still trying to even her breath when she noticed Gaius left the bed. Disappearing into the dark corner of the room before the next thing she knew, he came back bringing a towel with him. Which was pretty considerate of him and since Gaius didn't strike her as the type.

Her dumbfoundedness must have been apparent because the right corner of his mouth curled up into a smirk.

"If there’s one thing I learned from this ordeal, it’s that I have to start taking care of the messes I made," he said as he handed the towel to her, an unexpected softness in his eyes.

Amy shakily propped herself up, looking down. There were bruises on her hips and his semen was dripping from her leg, creating a damp patch on the bed. 

"Thanks," she said, then began to clean up the mess he left on her while feeling his eyes constantly roving around her figure. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but decided otherwise. 

Gaius left the bed once more and this time, she knew he was never coming back.

"You're leaving?" Amy asked as he redressed himself, nearly smacked herself in the head at the tinge of disappointment in her voice.

"Yes," he answered as he buttoned up his suit. "I have my own preparations to make for the battle." Gaius knelt down to pick up his cape, dusted off unnecessarily and wore it back around his broad shoulders.

Amy could only watch him as he turned his back on her, heading toward the door. The afterglow had worn off when it was barely there. Feeling surprisingly… hollow.

She was the one who initiated this, but the gravity of the situation, of what they had done, was starting to weigh in. Not that she regretted a single second of it, but it was because she knew from this moment, she would never look at him the same way again. Not when she knew everything about him now- physically and mentally, and probably the only living person in this world who did. 

Once he was gone, Gaius would be nothing but a story to be passed down to another generation of vampires after them, stories of his atrocities, of his mistreatment of the human race, of his manipulations. He would be condemned, shunned. Even after his death. Eventually, the name Gaius Augustine would slowly disappear into the wind and Amy couldn’t help but wonder what could have happened if Rheya hadn’t changed him. Would he have been hailed as a hero instead? Knowing his true nature, or would he even be here in the first place?

Gaius' footsteps ceased, his hand hovering on the doorknob. 

"If we'd met in another life…" he uttered, uncertain whether he should continue or not. Still, his back on her. "I think things could have been different."

Still, he could not be remedied or pitied. What he'd done was beyond forgiving, he still needed to be held accountable, but beneath his sins, he was just one man. A messed up, wicked and annoyingly powerful man who lost himself along the way. Who lost everything.

"Yeah. Another life.” And immortality never tasted this bitter.


End file.
